So this is growing up

Tonight I had an 'aha' moment. The lightbulb went off and I was able to take a step outside myself and see life in a new way. Tonight was our support group meeting for parents and we were talking about families and keeping ourselves, our marriages, and our families whole. It's not easy to do and it's not easy to talk about. I'm generally fairly quiet about my personal life. I'm guarded even with people I'm close to. I don't know why, but it's as if I've needed to keep some things inside, some things from being said outloud. It reminds me of those in the Harry Potter series that would not speak the name Voldermort--for in saying the name you give it power. Actually, it just so turns out that saying the name, saying the thoughts, take away their power and free us.

Tonight a fellow mother made a statement that literally changed my life in an instant. She said, "You know I didn't used to come to these but since you've opened up the past two months, I feel connected now. It's not that I didn't like you before, but now I feel just, more." What a powerful statement for me. I've felt in the past that to help others be strong, I've had to be iron clad and teflon proof but I've connected more with mothers and fathers the past two months by showing the warts, by talking about some of my darkest times. It's not easy to let that go but I'm willing to try to grow more if my families are willing to work this hard at what they do.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I feel a calling to what I do now. It's not often in life that we get those moments so I pay attention when I do. Those two sentences from a mom I really was not that close too before tonight, matured me in ways I can't really describe. We feel as if we've made so much progress at times, only to realize how much farther there is to go in knowing all there is to know about life.

Tonight I heard from mothers, a father, families about those darkest hours. It's not easy to talk about a son having seizure after seizure and having to 'leave it all to God'. It's not easy to talk about being afraid of your own child because he or she is bigger than you are now. It's not easy to talk about what will happen if I die? Parents need help as much as the children and we need to support the entire family. Siblings need support, grandparents need support, aunts and uncles and friends all need support as well. I learned tonight that I don't need to be an island, I don't need to be a pillar of concrete strength. And to be honest, knowing that, is a relief. We all must put down our troubles and worries at times and carry them together.